A Day to Treasure

Being on an ocean beach, is amazing - the sounds, the smells,  the sights, the feeling...I love everything about it. You might say it is my "happy place" but really it is so much more than that. It is a place of peace and refuge for me, my calm no matter what internal storm is brewing. It is a source of release, reflection and meditation. It is divine and healing. This has never been so evident

as last week.

Since Thanksgiving, our world has centered on my daughter, Natalie and her inexplicable health issues. Our days (and sometimes nights) have been consumed with managing or assessing her symptoms, consulting with doctors, taking her for tests, tests, and more tests, researching possibilities, periodically sleeping at the hospital, praying and waiting - lots and lots of waiting, wondering, and hoping for answers.

From Endocrine to Neurology to Metabolic Specialists to GI, we have been making the rounds. We still have no real answers. Every negative test result is met with mixed feelings. You don't want something to be wrong with your child, but when you already know something is, you just want to know what that IT is.

Last Monday, I would say that I finally hit my breaking point. Honestly, I can't even describe the feeling. And as we finished a particularly long and sobering doctor's appt on Tuesday, I was just done. Upon leaving, Mike asked me how I felt. My response, "I just need to see the ocean". It honestly wasn't a want. I needed to go. I needed to feel the sand on my feet, and see the crashing waves. I needed the fresh, cleansing sea air. I needed to see that mighty, never-ending ocean that embodies the awe-inspiring, amazing, and intricate nature of God's design. I needed to be reminded that no matter what we find, it is all in His hands.

So we went. All five of us, Mike, Kyle, Natalie, Elliot (the dog) and myself. And it was AMAZING! A day we will not soon forget. Words cannot express what that did for all of us. When I got to the water, I cried. It sounds ridiculous, but I did and it felt fantastic. I just let go. I let go of all that I had been trying to hold in and hold on to. It was so freeing.

Natalie squealed with delight and played with an abandon that I have not seen for 3 1/2 months. The joy in her eyes and the bounce in her step were so awesome to watch.

She had even snuck her bathing suit on under her clothes so she could "swim". I didn't even care. It was so good to see my daughter again, fearless, fun loving, and free! I had not seen this side of my child in so long.

The day was so simple. A drive to the coast, a quick lunch, a mere two hours at the beach, and then the ride home…but it didn't matter. It was so needed - not just for me - but for all of us, much more than we had realized. It allowed us to escape and connect. It was priceless, a time to be treasured with our family.

As I type this, we still do not have the answers or know where this journey will end. We are awaiting the results of her second round of metabolic tests today.
If they are negative or inconclusive, we will be
moving on to an endoscopy and a consult with a Pediatric Oncologist/ Hematologist. I do not know God's plan for all of this, but I feel blessed to be

Natalie’s mom through all of it. And when I start to spin, I think of last week on the beach, my peace is restored. I know it will all be okay.